Invasion of Claus
by Cam is for Camera
Summary: A world without swag is a world without life.


_**Sweet mother of Shrek, I'm gonna regret writing this.**_

**Long story short: I was looking for some motivation to write some more serious fics I have in planning (by serious I mean me just flailing my arms around and assuming I'm getting somewhere) and through some ungodly Pumkin World videos and a Skype chat later, this unholy idea came up. **

**I have no idea why I even bothered planning this one, but here's Invasion of Claus, AKA, "What's funny in RPs is probably really dumb in fanfiction."**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

_Incoming News: Approximately one week before the dethroning of the Nowhere Islands' Princess Kumatora, the entire world has gone to shit; I repeat, the entire world has gone to shit._

_The man who took her place is apparently a child, and an extremely irritating one at that. His coronation 'speech' mostly involved him going on about how he was 'gonna swag this place up', whatever that's supposed to mean._

_This kid has absolutely no idea how to run this place and has no guidance due to the lack of any official guardian. The only intake of common sense he gets is from his twin brother, and he's a fucking pussy._

_Please put us out of our misery._

Wess looked at the article of the latest issue of 'Tazmilian Shenanigans' and tossed it aside, "Pfft, kids these days, taking over kingdoms with little to no notice. What little rascals."

Then he realized something.

"Wait a second- that means that all four of the kingdoms are run by kids now… ok, technically speaking, teenagers- oh god."

As if on cue, Duster came charging through the house and slammed the front door, zipping past Wess on his quest to lock every single window.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Wess asked the obvious question.

Between pants of breath, Duster wheezed, "They... said…I…needed…"

"Needed what? A brain?" Wess made an unfunny joke.

"Swag. They said I was… illegal… because I didn't… have… swag…"

Duster then fainted on the spot.

Looking at the miserable form of his un-swagified son, Wess squinted his eyes as he muttered under his breath.

"_It begins_."

* * *

Meanwhile, as all hell broke loose, Claus was admiring his new kingdom by looking out of a balcony window wistfully- Disney Princess style.

He gave a satisfied exhale and turned to his not-royal-brother, "Can't you just feel the swag already? I feel like this place is already starting to improve."

What he received was a deadpan expression from said brother, "Are you sure you know what you're doing? I mean, a kingdom is kinda big and all…"

"'Course it's big, that's why I needed it. A tiny, old village just ain't enough to maintain my awesomeness."

Lucas muttered and let his eyes drift to the side, "I don't think an entire universe would be enough to maintain your ego…"

"What was that?"

"N-nothing!"

Claus then receded and exited the room to get a sandwich or something. Staring outside of a window and promoting swag was back-breaking work, and naturally he was famished. Lucas, being the lost puppy that he is, followed him.

"Oh, uh, I forgot to give you a message."

Not bothering to turn around and face his twin, he stated, "Spill it."

"I-it's actually a letter from the kingdom of Onett…"

Ah, yes, Onett; yet another kingdom run by a kid. And yet somehow Onett has been run a lot more smoothly within the span of a year or so than the Nowhere Islands within a week. Regardless, who the king is and how he runs the kingdom is largely irrelevant to the plot by this point.

By the time the unnecessary exposition ended, Lucas had handed the letter over to Claus. He quickly scanned the contents and stared blankly towards Lucas.

"The king planned a visit to the castle today, huh?"

"H-he did?"

Claus slightly nodded and continued to stare at Lucas, "Lucas, when did you get this letter?"

"A-a few days back… why?"

Anyone else would have lunged at the poor kid's throat at that point. Hell, Claus would have probably done that as well if it were anyone else. But Lucas is a special kind of stupid; he managed to be simultaneously intelligent in the ways of politics and yet was hopelessly clueless in the ways of acting like a normal human being. Still, he also managed a good chunk of Claus's _actual _responsibilities as a king, so he pretty much had to let it slide.

"Lucas, go around the castle and spread the news. Make sure the place is all fancy-schmancy and stuff too so I won't get bitched out by some random-ass royals."

"Sur- wait, why are you ordering me? I'm not some servant of yours!"

"Yeah, well, you're my bro, and you're also guilty. Now shoo."

Lucas frowned and followed his orders as directed. As he did that and watched the inevitable chaos unfold, Claus leaned on some random wall and crossed his arms as he viewed the sight.

A grin grew on his face, "Being king is a lot more fun than I'd originally imagined."

* * *

After many shenanigans ensued, sure enough, Onett royalty found itself upon the Nowhere Kingdom's turf. A few knocks on the castle's door sent the entire work crew in another panic as Lucas tried shushing them.

"Guys! It'll be alright! All you guys have to do is look professional and stuff, and we'll take care of the royalty!"

"We? I don't think so."

The attendance directed their attention to their self-proclaimed king who had just made his entrance. He struck a pose, "I'll take care of everything from here on out."

"Kid, you don't even know what you're doing!" some random worker had the misfortune of talking back against Claus, who promptly glared back.

"If this is a kingdom full of swag, where are all the memes?"

That last word, memes, the sinister and unholy word echoed within the depths of the ginger's swagified mind. In mere microseconds, something inside of him triggered, and not the shitty Tumblr definition of trigger either, but the actual raw definition of something-ticking-him-off-to-make-him-go-off-the-wall kind of trigger.

"You will NEVER speak of those forsaken…_things_, ever again, lest you wish to be hung."

Yeah, Claus was one of those people who you don't fuck around with the moment they moment they start speaking actual English.

And yet, it didn't really phase into the random one-off character that he should be afraid. Still, regardless of how stupid the kid's swag was, money was money, and those bills aren't gonna pay themselves, "Y-you're right, your majesty. I'll stay quiet…"

"Good. Lucas, you're to stay in your room until they leave."

Lucas, who was staring blankly at the nonsense occurring, did a double-take, "Wha- why?! I wanna meet the Onett royalty too!"

"Too bad, now go."

"Bu-"

"GO."

Lucas frowned at him and reluctantly did as he was told, possibly plotting some vengeance as he did so.

Just as he left, more impatient knocks were heard on the doors. Having been fed up with it, Claus prematurely stomped over to the castle's entrance and opened the door, giving a flat expression along with a deadpan, "Yo," to the unfortunate victim.

"…'Yo'?" echoed the victim in question who ran his hands through his dark hair in confusion, "Ah, right, you must be the new King I keep hearing about."

Claus put his hands on his hips, thinking that it made him look cool or something, "What makes you say that?"

"Oh, nothing; just hearing about this kid going around trying to 'swag things up'. Of course, you're the …swaggiest kid I've ever seen, so I assumed…"

The swaggie kid blinked in astonishment, not anticipating a compliment so grand, "Well ya got the right!" he perked up as he pointed a thumb towards himself, "Name's Claus, you?"

"Ness, king of Onett," the newly deemed Ness introduced before immediately reverting, "Though you can call me…

The King of _Memes_."

* * *

**I feel like this entire fic is just going to be me giggling at my own sad in-jokes that I share with absolutely no one on this site. I'll try to make it something more, but in the end, it's just a dumb fic that I do whenever I'm losing my 'writing touch', what little there is.**

**But whatever. Off topic (because it actually involves good fanfiction that _isn't _written by me), but I recently started a fanfiction blog for authors to post fics they like on Tumblr called Smash-Library. Of course the fics have to be Super Smash Bros related, which means that every Mother fanfiction applies! So go check it out!**


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